My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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