My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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