dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
