last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
