I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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