I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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