I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
