ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
