I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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