If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
