you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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