She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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