if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
