the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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