I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
