i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
