i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
