He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
