He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
