Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
