If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
