you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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