We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
