I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
