My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
