Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
