This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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