the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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