in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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