he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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