By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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