she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
