Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
