I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
