I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
