I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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