it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
