I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
