I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
