I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
