Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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