i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
