She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
