My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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