He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
