I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
