I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
