Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
