Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
