after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
