singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
