Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
