i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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