Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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