roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
