it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
