Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize