if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
