she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
