someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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