Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
