I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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