bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
