Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
