I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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