Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
40s are totally the cure
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
