before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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