when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
