i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
