I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
This house was built for laser tag.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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