I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize