tell your sister to shave her snatch
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I touched a dick in church today
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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