I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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